21 Minutes
by Willowers
Summary: They tried to let 21 minutes of silence settle like balm into their emotional scars. Would it be enough? My take on the apartment scene in 2x20 and maybe more if people like the story. Warnings: lemons, angst, and a kind of dark Olivia.
1. This Sticking Silence

_I am nothing without pretend  
I know my faults  
Can't live with them_

- Wye Oak, "Civilian"

"Sit here with me and watch me choose you."

She stood there dumfounded. After all the labor and anxiety that went into placating Mellie, preserving Fitz's presidency, walking on proverbial eggshells, putting her feelings in a box... Olivia couldn't believe him standing here, in her apartment, saying these things. Part of her wanted to turn into a puddle of besotted mush and part of her wanted to wring his neck. Part of her wanted to kiss him and part of her wanted to kick him in the kneecaps.

So she just stood there. Dumfounded.

He patted the couch cushion next to him, gesturing for her to sit down next to him, but she couldn't. She was in a state of suspended belief. She took a step away from him. Away from this place, this time, the altered reality in which they were sitting in her apartment for then next 21 minutes while Mellie outed their affair on national television.

Olivia wasn't sure if they'd ever spent 21 minutes in silence. They'd done the one minute thing countless times but this felt new. If she was being honest with herself, lately her relationship with Fitz was mainly comprised of sex and arguments. Arguments and sex. Late night, angst laden phone calls, mean sex, surveillance, and most recently a concussion. There were a million reasons she should shut her door, her legs, and heart to Fitz. Those reasons all hovered around them like dust particles and faded to ether in this heavy, sticky, sticking silence.

They stared at each other for 21 minutes. The meter of breath, fluttering of eyes, and pursing of lips place holders for the thousands of words said and unsaid, deeds done and undone.

For 21 minutes, Olivia covered her mouth with her hands, afraid to speak. Afraid to break the spell that the silence had cast on them. She studied the contours of his face, his prominent brow, his patrician nose, his handsome jaw line. She loves him. She hates him. She hates the part of herself that needs him.

He was smiling at her. Smiling is first nature to Fitz, the easiest of deceptions for him. It's his first and primary lie. As the 21 minutes turn into to seconds, turn in to past, he relaxes his mouth into a more neutral expression. As clock winds down, his confidence is supplanted by hesitation. What if this time and and this space is not enough to bridge the gulf between them? If Fitz were being honest with himself, that gulf was really a trench, full of trauma, pain, sorrow, and loss. If Fitz were being really really honest with himself he would say that a lot of that comes from him, his presidency, his life, his world, his mess.

So he just sat there, and smiled a wry and bittersweet half smile. And she just sat there, dumfounded. They tried to let 21 minutes of silence settle like balm into their emotional scars. Would it be enough?


	2. The Tense and the Tinder

_And if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones.  
'Cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs.  
Setting fire to our insides for fun  
Collecting names of the lovers that went wrong  
The lovers that went wrong._

And if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones.  
'Cause most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone.  
We're setting fire to our insides for fun.  
Collecting pictures from the flood that wrecked our home,  
It was a flood that wrecked this

_- Daughter "Youth"_

* * *

"So its done...that is, unless you don't want me."

Fitz's blue eyes turned stormy grey as he considered what it would feel like for her to say no, to say goodbye. His privileged upbringing, while it prepared him for loneliness and for detachment had not prepared him for love. It had prepared him to throw temper tantrums at his wife and father who were notorious for making decisions about him without listening to or consulting him. It had prepared him to put down full bottles of scotch instead of emoting. It had prepared him to disguise his self doubt with smiles, charm, and false confidence.

Fitz was reared on neglect, contempt and control. There were no tender things in his life except his children. Except for him. That was his deepest contradiction: he lived on an emotional island and all he really wanted was for someone to believe in him. To be with him.

There are a hundred, thousand, trillion things she could've said in return, but instead she kissed him. She crossed the room, fell onto the couch, into his arms and kissed him. She held is face gently in her hand and then wound her arms around his neck.

Fitz caught Olivia as she fell gracefully into his lap, cradling her at the neck and underneath her knees. They kissed slowly like their lives depended on it. Olivia darted her tongue into Fitz's mouth forcefully. She licked the roof of his mouth and sucked on his lower lip. They held the kiss until oxygen became necessary, filling the room with breathless panting. While they caught their breath, Olivia watched Fitz's eyes change from blue to grey, clouding with emotion. Fitz opened his mouth to say something but Olivia silenced him with another passionate kiss, this time pushing her body into his while gliding her fingers through the deep brown waves of his hair.

Olivia moved her legs so that she was straddling Fitz on the couch. She knew this was a pattern for them: sex and arguments, arguments and sex. She knew she should be furious with Fitz for having Jake surveil her and she was mad, she was furious. She paused to look Fitz in the eye, her chocolate orbs bore holes into Fitz's grey ones almost like she was willing his mind to read hers. Willing him to understand the range and quantity of emotions and old wounds that hung heavy between them. Willing him to feel how lonely, violated and numb she was inside. If she were being really honest with herself, she would admit that whenever Fitz hurt her a part of her was just excited to feel something, anything. Sometimes she was afraid that most of her feelings were dead and gone.

Her grip tightened on Fitz's shoulders as Olivia continued to stare him down. He wanted to blink, to look down. But he couldn't. He had the distinct feeling that this silent exchange was a critical litmus test. Could he see her? Could she see him? He stared her down as well, his grey eyes transforming to a deep blue. Willing her to understand how sorry he felt. No one had taught him how to handle tender things.

Fitz became so lost in his thoughts that he didn't see it coming when Olivia slapped him across the face with all her strength.

His mouth gaping in shock, his head spinning, his eyes seeing stars, he attempted to recollect his wits. That chance would not come because while Fitz was trying to decide which way was up, she slapped him again. He immediately grabbed Olivia's hands to forestall another slap attempt and opened his mouth to ask her what was going on.

"I...Livvy...what the?" Fitz started, between huffs of breath. His adrenaline was up and he found him self breathing heavily, shocked by what just happened. He was not sure what to say. Its not as if he didn't deserve to get slapped for being an idiot with Liv. He took in her dilated pupils, her own belabored breathing, "Livvy, what's wrong? I know – "

It was Fitz's turn to be dumfounded. It was Olivia's turn to have a wry smile.

"Shh," she wriggled from his grip and put her hands over his face. "Stop talking." She caressed his face where she had hit him and leaned in and traced the reddening area with her tongue. Fitz felt his pants tighten immediately when her tongue darted out to lick his skin. He turned his head to try to catch her tongue in his mouth but found his movement restricted by her hands, whose caress switched quickly into a tight grasp, holding his head in place.

Olivia continued to trace her tongue along the contours of his cheeks, where she had hit him hard. She licked and kissed and sucked on the inflamed planes as the living room filled with the chorus of their haggard breathing.

Olivia, still straddling Fitz, could feel his growing erection on her, could feel the heat radiating from it. She rocked into it, eliciting a deep "mmhmm." from Fitz as he moved his hips in return, matching her movements. Fitz let his head roll back onto the back of the couch as he closed his eyes. All he could hear was the sound of his own heart beating out of control and the sound of their collective breathing. As Olivia continued to rub her hot center against him, he felt himself losing control.

Fitz panted in frustration, "Liv...Livvy...I can't...I'm going to c.."

Olivia silenced Fitz again by jamming four of her fingers into Fitz's mouth, distracting him from his quickly approaching climax.

"I said, _stop_ talking." Olivia said in a low growl as she continued to pump her fingers in and out of Fitz's mouth. He was starting to get it. He took something from her when he had Jake surveil her and put those cameras in her apartment. He'd been slowing taking something from her all along: control. This was her, taking some of it for her pleasure. Among the feelings stirring within: confusion, sadness, understanding, there was also arousal. Fitz was turned on. He placed his hands by his side in a gesture of acquiescence. _Take it_, he thought. _Take me_.

Olivia grabbed Fitz's erection and cupped it hard as she continued to fuck his mouth with her fingers. Fitz sucked her fingers diligently, unsure of the shift in energy and power between them, but willing to follow Liv over a cliff. Olivia began to suck and nibble on Fitz's ear lobe while she fucked him, bringing him closer and closer to release. Fitz began to rut into her at a faster pace, his engorged dick straining against the confines of his pants and boxers. Olivia's free hand was grasping hard onto Fitz's upper harm, in an effort to contain her own arousal. She dug her nails into him, and even with the protective barriers of his shirt and jacket, Fitz was sure her grip would leave bruises.

Fitz's breathing got more and more intense. His mouth being obstructed by Olivia's fingers, he was frantically breathing through his nose and could feel his heart pounding. When Olivia moved her mouth to bite down at the juncture between his neck and shoulders, Fitz lost it. He muffled cries of pleasure filled the room and he bit down hard on Olivia's hand while his body shook with his climax and he released his ejaculate into his pants.

Once Fitz's orgasm tapered down, Olivia removed her soaked fingers from his mouth and replaced them with her mouth. They kissed recklessly, sucking, licking, biting and sobbing until they could no longer breathe. When they broke, Olivia removed the luxurious baggy cashmere sweater she was wearing and then removed the camisole she was wearing underneath.

Fitz's gaze stayed transfixed on her bared breasts. Fitz reached up to touch her chest and was quickly averted by Oliva. This time she punched him in the shoulder, not enough to hurt, but her message was clear: I'm running this. Olivia placed his hands instead, on her thighs and Fitz began to stroke her legs slowly, sending dispatches of pleasure throughout Olivia's lower body. Olivia rose onto her knees so she could slide down her silk pajama pants and underwear. She wasted no time using her hand to spread her dripping folds and insert three fingers, wet with Fitz's saliva, into her already pulsing opening.

Fitz stroked Olivia's legs and kneaded her butt while he watched her ride her hand. Olivia placed her free hand on Fitz's shoulders thrusting her ample and bouncing breasts into his face. Fitz studied her chest, mesmerized by the turgid nipples and deep, dark areoles.

"Fitz! Please." she whispered. Fitz used his tongue to suckle on one of her nipples, chafing it with his teeth and using his hand to pull and tease the other.

Olivia began to cry out as her pelvis rutted into his stomach. She braced her free hand on the back of couch and moved her hips in earnest as she got closer and closer to orgasm. She curled her fingers inwards, towards her stomach to stimulate her G spot, whimpering as sensation radiated through her abdomen. Fitz continued to alternative between licking and sucking her nipples and using his hands to tease and pull them.

"Hyaaa, Oh god!," "Holy fuuuuuck" Olivia cried out between baited breaths as she began to convulse uncontrollably

Fitz watched her mesmerized, as she shook with pleasure. Olivia removed her fingers from her opening and extended her climax by gently kneaded her clit. Fitz held her close, their foreheads touching as she rode out her second orgasm. They sat their their minds, bodies, and hearts slack and spent, for the next 21 minutes.


End file.
